Understanding Attachment Disorder

The Father of Attachment Theory, John Bowlby, described attachment as the “lasting psychological connections between human beings.” The way in which humans attach to others has been proven to influence the way an individual relates to others, themselves, and the world. Understanding attachment serves as a solid foundation for understanding the development of ineffective coping strategies and the underlying dynamics of a person's emotional health and difficulties. Research has found that attachment style impacts behaviors throughout life. Failure to form secure attachments early in life can have a negative impact on behavior in later childhood and throughout adulthood. Disruption in the parent-child relationship, adoption, and early trauma are all factors that negatively impact an individual’s attachment style.

Here at Chrysalis, we understand the importance of attachment and the devastating effects unhealthy attachment styles can have on individuals and their families. Many of the girls that come to us have experienced attachment disruptions early in their lives. These situations have impacted their ability to connect with others, form a healthy self-esteem and self-concept, manage their own emotional states, and form healthy and secure relationships. We treat attachment issues by helping individuals understand how past experiences with caregivers, significant others, and previous life experiences have shaped our students’ coping patterns. We show them how these patterns work to protect them initially but then later contribute to their feelings of distress.

Chrysalis seeks to heal attachment wounds by working with the individual to find alternative ways to meet their unmet needs and learn how to form long lasting healthy attachment bonds to themselves, others, and the world around them. We hope to not only modify their ineffective coping strategies, but also better understand the underlying unmet needs that are satisfied by their ineffective coping strategies. We want to help them learn alternative ways to satisfy their psychological or emotional needs. Our focus on relationships and providing consistent, warm, and nurturing care creates a safe place to look at attachment issues, begin to heal old wounds, and find healthy patterns of attachment.

Remember, there is hope for healthy attachments and relationships. To find out more about how we work with attachment disorder at Chrysalis, call us at 888-317-9297 or visit our website, http://www.chrysalisschoolmontana.com/.

By: Amy McClung, LMFT and LPC

Chrysalis' Leadership Retreats

Dear Students and Families-

Hope this letter finds you all well. As it has been said, “Teamwork can be summed up in five short words: We believe in each other.”

The first leadership experience this past summer, held in Glacier National Park, was a success for the Chrysalis community. This initial retreat gave students the opportunity to be recognized for their positive contributions throughout the year; we would love to keep this positive momentum rolling.  The staff, teachers, clinicians and directors feel it is both imperative and beneficial to continue gathering select students, who are demonstrating the characteristics listed below, for seasonal retreats throughout the year as an acknowledgement of their positive efforts to strengthen both themselves and the Chrysalis community.  

A leadership criteria has been established with input from staff and house parents, school teachers, adventure staff, clinical staff and Kenny and Mary, that will hopefully help you clearly understand the purpose and context of these retreats. We want to illustrate what we are looking for from our students in order to gain an invitation to one of these retreats. The purpose of these retreats, in short, is to help each student attending Chrysalis strive to be intentional and purposeful in their personal, relational, educational, and community leadership.

Leadership has been defined as the ability to motivate yourself and others to accomplish a common goal through a united effort. Every student at Chrysalis has the potential to not only be the leader of their own lives, but also have the capacity to provide leadership for those they see struggling in the community. Leadership develops through direct involvement with family, school and the community.

So, what will it take to get an invitation to the next retreat, you might be thinking?  The staff at Chrysalis will be looking for student leaders who are demonstrating the following characteristics:

1. Responsibility: Staying on top of her daily responsibilities in all facets of the program.
2. Optimism: Maintaining a positive attitude and helping students who may be struggling with negativity develop a healthier concept of their circumstances, opportunities and potential for success.
3. Resiliency: Consistently turning obstacles into challenges, and overcomes these challenges through perseverance, determination and hardwork.
4. Organization and focus: Maintaining an organized living space and consistently completing tasks; is able to simplify even complicated tasks into achievable goals.
5. Diligence: The student who is willing to complete a task to its conclusion.
6. Delegation: Embracing the support of others; not afraid, embarrassed or resistant to ask for and rely on help from others in the community.
7. Encouragement: Openly and enthusiastically acknowledging the accomplishments of other students who are struggling to do well in the Chrysalis community.
8. Trustworthiness: Earning the respect of the community through consistent leadership characteristics.
9. Leadership Development: Willing to participate in activities that promote and encourage their own personal sense of what is right and good for themselves and the Chrysalis community.
10. Accountability and Authenticity: Willing to hold themselves and others accountable, not just because it is expected, but because they sincerely believe it is the right thing to do for themselves, their peers and the health of the community as a whole.

It’s important to note that we don’t require that a student be doing all these things exceptionally well at this moment in order to be invited to a leadership retreat.  That would be unrealistic, of course, because those are very high standards that few people completely achieve in a lifetime.  We are, however, looking for girls who are working in these directions, demonstrating a capacity to grow toward this kind of excellence in everything that they do, and who have a willingness to commit to the process.  If someone is willing to try very hard to get there, we want to do everything we can to help them accomplish that goal. Leadership starts with involvement! Students, involve yourself with your school, with your community, and perhaps most importantly, become involved and attuned with your self. Parents, encourage your daughters in this direction. It could make all the difference.

The Chrysalis staff looks forward to helping each Chrysalis student achieve their leadership potential and witnessing their sense of accomplishment upon receiving their invitation to the next leadership retreat.

2013 Parent Workshop

In order to help families be successful at home, Chrysalis has always focused on the needs of our parents, as well as our students. With that focus in mind, Chrysalis holds a Parent Workshop each fall. This three day workshop offers parents a wealth of information about child development, family dysfunction, and overall family healing. They also participate in group exercises to experience certain relationship concepts and then sit down in small groups to discuss their experience. . These small groups are facilitated by experienced parents who have been through the workshop previously. Parents explored topics including family systems, the etiology of relational injury, Erickson's Psycho-social Developmental Stages, negative belief systems, trust, negative control mechanisms, and how to give and receive feedback.

Twenty-five parents participated in our workshop this year. These parents represented seventeen of our current students.  Overall, the parents found it very impactful and exhausting. Since this workshop focuses strictly on the parents, they learned a lot about themselves and what they contribute to their individual family system. They went away with a new perspective on how their family functions in a healthy or unhealthy way, and what they can do to change it.  We encourage parents to do their own therapeutic work at home while their daughter is working on herself on campus. At Chrysalis we know that research shows that if the student does her work while away from the home, but the family system does not change, the student will likely quickly return to her old behaviors and patterns.

In conclusion, the 2013 Parent Workshop was a huge success. However, what these parents reported as being the most helpful were the small group interactions, getting to know other parents, and learning about feedback. Several parents remarked that now they know what their daughters go through on a regular basis with groups and feedback, and were amazed at their resiliency. The workshop concluded with a touching and heartfelt closing ceremony with the students. 

Our next workshop will be the Family Workshop in the spring. This will be a fabulous opportunity to include students, parents and even siblings. For more information about Chrysalis’ Parent Workshops, call our admissions department at 888-317-9297.  

Service: Building a House

Service plays an important role in the Chrysalis program. We emphasize the importance of giving back, and considering others in our day to day lives.

Several of our students and staff drove to the Flathead Valley to partner with Habitat for Humanity this weekend. Students assisted in building a house, and they did a great job! It was an excellent effort and an empowering opportunity for girls.

The girls ended the day with a beautiful fall hike:

Other Chrysalis service projects include volunteering at the local Animal Shelter, providing activities and building relationships with nursing home residents, and service projects on our bi-annual international trips. A group of students will head to Mexico later this fall to help with a sea turtle research project. Be looking for an update in late November!

Academics at Chrysalis

The school year is in full swing here at Chrysalis, and girls are busy with the rigors of school. Many seniors are excitedly preparing for college, writing essays and filling out applications. Other students are catching up academically, often realizing how much academic potential they have.

Intellect and academics play a large role in a student’s time at Chrysalis. Greater success in school often results in increased self-esteem. Our small class size and fully certified world-class educators help students succeed academically. The teachers come with diverse backgrounds, ranging from outdoor education, the Peace Corps, teaching overseas, and Masters degrees. They offer flexibility in scheduling, individualizing it for each student’s needs. Our teachers also work closely with the clinicians, attending weekly treatment team meetings. The small class sizes allow teachers to differentiate in the classroom on an individual basis, yet still facilitate a traditional teacher guided class.

This year we are offering English 9-12, World History, US History, US Government, Algebra I and II, Geometry, Pre-Calculus, Calculus, French 1 and 2, Spanish 1 and 2, Biology, Physical Science, Chemistry, Independent Physics, Art, and Music.  Some of the music students recently performed at our anniversary celebration, and guests enjoyed not only the students’ musical talent, but the meaning behind the songs chosen.

When students were asked what is different about teachers at Chrysalis compared to other schools, students replied with comments such as, “They care about us. For reals.”, “The teachers are flexible.”, “The teachers actually teach. It’s not just textbook based. It’s specific and they’re willing to help. They make sure you don’t fail.”

Check out our website for more information about Chrysalis academics. 

Fall Backpacking Trip

At Chrysalis, recreation is a huge part of healing. Recently, we took eight girls on a fall backpacking trip. On the first day was a short hike to an alpine lake. When we arrived, the girls set up their tents near the small streams that meander through the forest. One girl set up her hammock nestled between two trees with a nice A-frame tarp shelter set up above it. While dinner was being prepared, the girls built a fire to enjoy, sharing stories and laughter as the sun went down. 

The next day we woke up, broke down camp and hiked to another lake. After we set up camp there and had some lunch, we day-hiked to the top of an unnamed peak that we have called "Chrysalis Peak" for many years. It was a mental challenge for some to walk up the scree field, which was a new type of terrain for a few of the girls. In the end, everyone overcame their fears and reached the top of the peak. At the top, we enjoyed views from all angles. We looked down to the west and saw the town of Eureka and Lake Koocanusa, to the east and could see into Glacier National Park, to the north and saw the Canadian peaks and to the south the Whitefish Range. After soaking up the views and enjoying each other's company, we made the descent to our camp at the lake. What a beautiful and clear evening! We had pesto pasta for dinner and roasted s'mores around the campfire for dessert. 

On the last day, we woke up with a bittersweet feeling that we were heading home in just a few hours. As we hiked out, there were huckleberries that lined the trail the entire way down. Needless to say, the girls arrived in the parking lot with berry-stained fingers and faces. As we debriefed the trip, girls shared their favorite memories about the trip and what they learned throughout the weekend. Several girls shared funny moments and memories and others shared deep insight that they had gained while in the woods. The outdoors gives great opportunities for learning and growth and this year was no exception.

Chrysalis Parent Retreats

Father-Daughter Retreat

Each year we venture to the wild and scenic section of the Missouri River to enjoy a 3-day float with our fathers and daughters. It's a beautiful paddle, complete with golden eagles, bald eagles, fish, canyons, and unique rock formations. Our girls paddle in a canoe with their dads, singing or chatting down the river. We stop for lunch along the banks each day, even finding time for afternoon swims. Though the trip certainly requires physical strength, it is typically a casual paddle with plenty of time for bonding.

This year, however, was much different. The wind was in our face each day, requiring extra strength and perseverance. Dads and daughters pushed through together. We even had an intense lightning storm and strong winds that damaged several tents. Each obstacle proved to be a learning and bonding experience; students, dads, and staff rallied together to fix tents in the middle of the storm. One student commented afterwards, "If this had happened a year ago, I would have only cared about my own things, but we were all helping each other out. Think about how we've changed!"





Mother-Daughter Retreat
Girl time is so important for our students. Thus, each year we ensure that moms spend quality time with their daughters. This year, we were at Flathead Lutheran Bible Camp on Flathead Lake, staying in bunk cabins. Activities varied from tubing and waterskiing, to canoeing and kayaking. Spending time in the great outdoors is a fabulous way for moms and their daughters to bond and unwind.

In conjunction with all the fun, we made sure to do lots of in-depth family work during this weekend. We focused specifically on ensuring that mothers and daughters pay attention to the quality of their relationships and their connections with each other. One way we emphasized this was through triptych art collages. Each collage depicted the mother-daughter relationship in the past, present, and their hopeful depiction of the future. Our students and parents loved being able to express their feelings, without having to use words.

All too quickly, the weekend was over. It was a very productive and enjoyable few days for our moms and daughters. They shared the happy, nurturing moments and expressed gratitude. We are so excited to bring our moms back next year. There’s nothing like art and s’mores to bring us together.