Never Forget

Thursday, April 16th, was a beautifully sunny day on campus. It contrasted starkly with the heavy subject our guest speaker came to discuss with the school: her experiences during the Holocaust in World War II. 

I would guess that Alicja Edwards now stands somewhere around four feet tall and uses a cane to get around, but it's no wonder: she's over 90 years old. If you learned about her first through reading either of the two books she's published, "They Called Us D.P.s" and "God Was Our Witness", you'd never guess that English is her second language, but she speaks with a heavy Polish accent. On Thursday morning, she came to Chrysalis and spoke about her life 73 years ago, when her family was woken in the early hours of the morning by Russian soldiers. She was forced to hurriedly pack a few belongings before she was carted off to Kazakhstan and forced to labor in inhumane conditions. Her brother, her mother, and her grandmother came with her; her father, she learned, had already been executed for his history as a soldier years before. 

While Alicja might not be considered a traditional Holocaust survivor because she was not captured by the Nazi regime, her experience draws heartbreaking parallels. "I belong to a Holocaust of the same era," she said, "but of a different nature... I do not have a Star of David tattooed on my arm, but in my mind there are deeply etched memories of pain and agony of those years spent in slave labor in Soviet Kazakhstan." Food had been scarce before the Russian occupation, it grew rarer when the Red Army invaded, and became virtually nonexistent during her life as a prisoner. Alicja's eyes teared as she explained to us that she had watched her grandmother starve to death in front of her. "Young children and old people suffered the most," she explained, "...there was no medicine, no doctor. You were on your own, fighting to survive." 

And how did she survive? Alicja said: "In those dark hours, you prayed and kept faith -- and helped each other to hope to see a better tomorrow." After three years, she was liberated, but freedom meant a long walk, for 24 hours, with no food or water, through the Persian desert, to get to boats that would take them away from their hell. After that, having no possessions or money, she survived on the generosity of others. 

When she finished telling her stories, the floor was opened to questions. One student asked if she had any advice to people going through tough times, and Alicja says to be honest. Lying will only cause more problems. Flipping through the binder of mementos she brought, it is clear that Alicja has plenty of life experience to draw on. Among the more modern keepsakes such as her letter from the Holocaust Memorial Museum are yellowed passports and crumbling documents, written in Polish, granting Alicja passage out of Kazakhstan. 

Alicja met her husband, an American soldier, while waiting tables by serendipitously spilling a drink on his lap. They traveled the world together, and spent some time living in Japan and Paris before settling in Chicago. Alicja was a concert pianist and sometimes plays piano at the local church on Sunday. She has children and grandchildren now, and spends her time painting and running a small antique shop here in Eureka. Her books and paintings are available for purchase in her shop, and her books are available on Amazon. 

Our Sophomore English and the World History classes have been learning about World War II and the Holocaust in school for the past few weeks, so Alicja's presence really helped ground the stories they've read. Somehow, seeing her walk around campus, share her stories, and show her paintings to us made the history so much more real. Sadly, as time goes on, fewer and fewer survivors are around to share their stories with us, making it even more important that our students learn from them now. The next time you visit Eureka, please pay her a visit and thank her for sharing her time with our students! She was grateful to spend time with our girls and said it made her feel young again to be surrounded by so many young people interested in her life -- almost as grateful as we were to listen to her story. 

Chrysalis Explores Costa Rica!

Dear Friends, Seven students, six parents, and a handful of Chrysalis staff met in San Jose, Costa Rica, in early April with great expectations about the adventures at hand. The whitewater sections of the Pacuare River provided class 3 and 4 rapids through beautiful rain forest on day one of the trip. Further north, the mountainous area around the Arenal volcano offered us an exciting zipline adventure, and the chance to hike into the edge of a lava field left from an eruption in the 90's. Our accommodations in Monteverde were virtually on top of a mountain that afforded views of the distant Pacific Ocean by day, and the Southern Cross by night. The southern hemisphere stars were brilliant.                      We left the cool mountain breezes of the cloud forest and descended sharply toward the coast, arriving at Manuel Antonio National Park where the temps were above 100 degrees and the humidity made the swimming pool feel comparatively dry. Each of the three hikes we did in disparate areas in Costa Rica were on winding trails through dense vegetation. Added together, they provided up close and personal views of howler monkeys, rare squirrel monkeys, white-faced monkeys, several varieties of sloths, an anteater, brightly-colored snakes, and a number of beautiful birds that we'd never be able to see outside of a zoo, they were sights to behold.                       The thrilling adventures, enchanting natural resources, and fascinating wildlife described above would be quite enough to make this a fine international trip, but it's clear to me in retrospect that the best memories from Costa Rica will be about the excellent human experience we all enjoyed, and the relationships that emerged. Our students were careful and thoughtful about the goals of the trip, which they designed prior to our launch. Each of them moved toward a closer and more considerate relationship with their accompanying parent. Meanwhile, our lovely and generous parent group cooperated in every sense. We couldn't have had a nicer group of folks with whom to spend this amazing adventure.   Very Best Regards, Kenny Pannell

Kenny Pannell and Mary Alexine    Rafting in the Pacuare River   Sunset in Monteverde

One Crazy Ski Season

The winter of 2014/2015 will surely go down in Chrysalis history.  We haven’t seen winter conditions like this in the past and I hope we never do again in the future!  The girls had the shortest ski season on record, starting on December 6th and ending on March 7th.  They each missed out on 2 or 3 ski days this season due to safety issues when the snow simply melted off of the lower runs.  However, if you watched them ski or ride today you wouldn't know they missed out on those last days of the season, I have been impressed with this group since opening day!  

We had amazing skiers and snowboarders this year, the girls tackled various conditions with determination and enthusiasm; it was a joy to watch them excel!  They had fun on a few powder days, they enjoyed the warmth and ease of spring skiing (and there were a lot of spring like days, which is just odd in February).  But it was the icy days that their skill levels soared, each one of them found the courage and confidence to use their edges properly and succeed!  Naturally they had to brave a few sub-zero days here in Northwest Montana, as well as a few rainy days sprinkled through the season.   But they loved it and begged to keep skiing and riding despite the unfavorable conditions.  They want to feel the excitement and joy of making turns on the snow with the the peaks of Glacier National Park and the Canadian Rockies as their backdrop.  Ah, what a beautiful experience, this is the type of adventure we value here at Chrysalis.

 

My goal is to instill a love of the outdoors in the hearts of our students and share with them the peace that can be found in nature.  Many of our students will grow to love skiing and snowboarding, it will become a lifelong passion that they can share with their families. I encourage all of you to get outside and enjoy what each season has to offer.  As for me, I am going to do just that!

Happy Spring,

Julie Hughes

5 Ways To Show Love For You Daughter

Did you know that this past Sunday we celebrated National Women’s Day? In honor of Women’s Day, we would like to share 5 different ways that you can celebrate and show love to your daughter:

Active Listening

During family therapy, be an example of active listening. Not only should you be an example of it, but you should acknowledge [and praise] your daughter when she is doing it.

As you make an effort to actively listen to your daughter, you are sending a message that what she has to say is important to you.  As you express interest in what your daughter is saying, and praise her in her listening efforts, this translates into, “I care about you. YOU are important to me.”

Validating

You should know and learn about women that your daughter looks up to.  Do your homework on these people and anything else that is important to your daughter.  Take the qualities in those women she admires and relate them to your daughter. For example, “You’re so like your grandmother.  She loves yoga too.”

By taking an interest in what is important to you your daughter, you are reinforcing that you are actively listening to her.  This leads to feelings of validation.  By taking a step further and finding out WHY these things are important to your daughter, you are silently saying, “What interests you, interests me. Tell me more!”

Holding boundaries

As you hold important boundaries for your daughter, it gives her consistency in order to feel safe. That safety translates into unconditional love. Safety and love are closely united.

For example, when you hold boundaries during visits with your daughter (at the program or on home visits) it shows your daughter that you respect the program. This translates into your daughter’s success in the program. As you consistently hold boundaries, you show your daughter how much effort you are willing to put into building her success.

You might be scared to hold certain boundaries for fear of damaging your relationship with your daughter.  As you CONSISTENTLY hold boundaries, you give your daughter a sense of certainty to know what to expect from you.  It also clearly explains what you expect from her. By doing this you are creating stability in her life.  Consistency leads to stability, which offers an environment of physical and emotional safety for her to belong to.

Challenging them

When you challenge your daughter you are ultimately showing her love and that you believe she has the ability to grow beyond her current circumstance.

For example, you could ask about how your daughter is doing in different aspects of the program.  Ask about:

• school
• therapeutic work
• working out
• and adventure.

Actively engage your daughter by supporting her as she works hard and pushes herself to do better.  Be specific in why you are pushing your daughter to go the extra mile. It is easy for our teen daughters to misinterpret our intentions if we do not convey what those intentions are. We must have a sturdy foundation in our relationships in order to build on and test them.  Teach your daughter to be happy and accepting of who she is. But also teach her that there is always opportunity for growth.

As you practice active listening, validating and remain consistent in your expectations, your daughter will be more willing to accept the challenges you extend to her.

Expressing gratitude:

Express gratitude to your daughter by showing your appreciation for her willingness and ability to challenge her skills. Again, be specific with your gratitude.  Some examples of skills are:

• Community living skills: “Thank you for helping set the table tonight.”
• Communication skills: “Thank you for talking to me about how therapy is going.”
• Academic achievement: “Thank you for working so hard and preparing for that math test.”

Those are hard things to do! It is hard to communicate as a teen. It is very hard for girls to live in the community.  Girls think that parents have no idea how hard it is to live here. Knowing that you appreciate her and her efforts helps her feel loved.

By expressing gratitude, you are offering reassurance to your daughter that her current efforts have not gone unnoticed.  You cannot push her to do better if you do not also reassure her that you appreciate her, that you are aware of the efforts she is already making. When you express gratitude, you automatically have a positive interaction with your daughter.  Be mindful of these interactions.  Make sure you have at least 5 positive interactions for every  challenging interaction.

Active listening, validation, boundaries, challenging, and gratitude help you connect with your daughter on a deeper level.  They facilitate growth resulting in greater confidence and increased capabilities.

What are your favorite ways to celebrate and show love to your daughter?

By Ashton Snyder- Chrysalis Residential Shift Supervisor